I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
