there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
