dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
