It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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