If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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