I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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