This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize