Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
