At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
