just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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