and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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