Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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