i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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