this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
