2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
