part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
