"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
