was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
