If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
