He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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