What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
