Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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