I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
