We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
