We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize