we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
