I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
