That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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