just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize