Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize