This girl is more easily done than said...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just tell him i said nine months
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
