Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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