i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
