Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
