Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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