that's an acceptable place to lick
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
