Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
