If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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