Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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