I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
