I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
