Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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