people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize