Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
