you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
