We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
