There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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