seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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