Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
