He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
