On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
