Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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