omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
