You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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