We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There r osticjed everywhere
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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