it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you win again, gameday.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize