i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
