That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
