just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize