? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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