In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
