So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
