If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
