I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
