brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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