i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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