paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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