how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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