similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
