I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
