There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
